NO LONGER MY ENEMY

Two willing hands, palms up, that reached out.

My raw, naive heart unguarded by doubt,

I held nothing back ‘twas in my power to give.

Thieves broke in and they ripped out my heart,

fairly shredded that safe rib cage apart,

yet expected the corpse left behind to live.

The cavity’s silence in me is deafening now.

The canvas so bare it can’t decipher how,

to decode, set a path that’ll let me forget,

that my pulsing heart once held such force,

for my life’s blood to so faithfully course,

all that’s left is a chest full of regret.

I’ve no vacancy in personal purgatory,

no courage for a replacement love story,

nor do I take reservations for hate.

These fists stay clenched, my jawline’s set,

I’m not ready to feel anything just yet…

I can not mourn yet dare not celebrate.

A scrap of me was lost, fell off, now is gone,

tears were shed for it as the piece moved on,

and for the lessons I once had to learn.

Fear grows now that I will go insane,

my hollow cavity searches in vain.

Will that scrap of me one day return ?

I paid the full loathsome price of admission,

to enter the ring, sit there, watch and listen,

as I failed to nurse or rescue my own heart.

Out of all of love’s haunted house terrors,

all my foolish, ill considered errors,

orphaning myself was always the worst part.

Soon the flow of months had lost all meaning,

I stumbled through each day, blindly careening,

between minefields I tiptoed to cope.

Oh, I wish I’d fought, tried a little bit harder,

to not nonchalantly let go and discard her,

to not let the plunderers steal all her hope.

For causing pain, that is wholly their choice.

and their opinions they may rightfully voice,

but never again will I give them the last say.

For though I can be repeatedly hurt,

by whoever chooses to treat me like dirt,

never again will I treat myself the same way.

_________________________________________________

Kathleen Hussey 5/2020